Today, in Bible Study we talked about the burial of Abraham’s wife Sarah. I imagine that anyone who has had the responsibility of burying a loved one while maintaining their responsibilities to the rest of the family knows what Abraham was going through at that time. When his wife died, his search for a burial place was complicated by the offer of land by Ephron. There is no clear answer as to why the offer of a place to bury a loved one complicated things.
In discussion, the topic of Abraham’s refusal of Ephron’s gift came up. One school of thought on Abraham’s refusal of the gift was that of pride. Another school of thought on the refusal was a difference in culture. Each of these approaches has merit. However, I’d like to explore the pride angle.
Dictionary.com defines pride as “a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.” If Abraham refused the gift out of pride, there seems to be good reason he would do so. Abraham had been blessed to become a wealthy man based on his submission to God’s will. He had proven to be worthy by his willingness to sacrifice his only son. I can’t say that there are many people today who would show that level of commitment in their faith.
When a person is blessed to have the resources to pay for a meal, gas or a movie theater ticket, it is ok for them to do so. Sometimes, we may have a friend or associate who may be able to offer us free admission to enter a show. Others may offer us a free meal at a local restaurant. When times are good financially, I have no problem paying my way for anything. I’ll even offer, without much thought or effort, to pay the way for others. I certainly will refuse free things when I am in a position to pay my own way.
As I listen to my response in my head, as I type, I realize how pride can stand in the way of blessings. Saving money is a luxury that many people cannot afford. Sometimes my financial resources are just enough to cover the necessities of everyday life. At other times, my resources are abundant and there is more than enough to get by with. Ideally, I should keep spending the same, so as to help in times where the resources are scarce.
Sometimes the refusal of a gift is the most appropriate thing to do. When I was in the process of getting divorced, my ex-wife told me that she had a gift for my birthday. I told her no thanks, but she kept saying that if I came to visit her, she would give me a gift that was something she knew I really wanted. After giving it some thought, I stood my ground and refused to see her for the sake of getting a gift. The gift would have been a Sony PlayStation. It would have saved me a few hundred dollars and was certainly something I wanted at the time. Had I taken this gift during a visit, I may have delayed the process of finalizing my divorce.
To be honest, I can’t share this without an important piece of information. I have this policy when I am dating regarding gifts. I have told every woman I have dated that “I don’t accept gifts from women.” The reason I incorporated this policy was to avoid those awkward moments when some people like to share all they have ever done for you in a relationship. I never wanted those exchanges that often occur at the end of relationships.
So, as long as I was the one showering others with gifts, I was able to live up to the idea of manhood I aspired in my relationships. A woman did not do for me, I did for her. I’ll share in detail how that has gone for me throughout the years, but not in this post. However, it may explain the propensity to date needy women. Pride then, potentially has limited the pool of potential mates over the course of two decades.
I can’t clearly state that pride is the reason Abraham refused the gift and paid approximately ten pounds of silver for the land. I would imagine that if it were pride, there may have been a missed blessing that could have limited Abraham’s ability to be used by God. If a person misses a blessing, they may be limited in what they can do for others seeking God. I’d hate to find out that my pride caused me to miss a gift, whether it is a piece of information, the development of a skill or simply a piece of something that could help a person find God.
I’ll end this post with a prayer;
Heavenly Father, allow me the ability to recognize those moments where I am prideful. Help me to obtain the knowledge, wisdom and understanding necessary to be a humble servant. If I can overcome pride this should help me be used by You in whatever ways You deem best. I desire to be virtuous and pride stands in the way of excellence. I ask this in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.